Many Generations Under One Roof!

The coexistence of many generations under one roof does not have to be problematic!

When parents need help in old age, the question often arises: take them in at home or give them to a care facility? For many families it is clear: Grandma and Grandpa never come to a home! However, this principle can lead to problems, but also to a nice coexistence of many generations under one roof.

You should just think carefully beforehand how this can work out well!

Always together

Taking in one’s own parents, in-laws or even uncles and aunties in their old age should be a decision that all family members bear equally. Because having all generations under one roof also harbors some conflicts.

At least the adults should pull in the same direction. If one of the two partners is strictly against the acceptance of the “old man” in your own house, you shouldn’t enforce it by force, because conflicts are inevitable.

Remember that these conflicts can be far-reaching and can also lead to a separation from the (spouse) partner! Of course, the partner who originally opposed it may change his mind once the family has “shaken themselves right”, but that doesn’t always have to be the case and nobody should rely on it!

The enemy under my roof?

It is not always logical that parents and children get on well. Even if you have vowed to look after your parents in old age as they looked after you as a child, it is often difficult in reality.

Disputes that occurred weekly with “living distance” can now occur even more frequently in everyday domestic life. If there are several generations in one household, the risk is significantly higher.

Character traits that were unpleasant in the past can become stronger with age. Living together also creates new conflicts that can exacerbate existing conflicts.

So before you make the decision with your family to take in the older generation, you should also think about everything negative that was and could occur between you!

All generations are responsible together

If the older generation moves in, it should be clear from the start that all family members are equally responsible for one another.

This means that the oldest generation who is moving in must also take on responsibility as best it can (still). It must not be that a completely overwhelmed housewife, mother, part-time employee and wife also cares additionally and exclusively for the well-being of the “newcomers”!

Therefore, when moving in, a list of agreements should be made on which all parties involved commit themselves to certain things.

Everyone has to contribute according to their abilities. The children can, for example, do the shopping or do small household chores such as vacuuming. According to a set plan, of course.

For the person who is mainly responsible for caring for relatives, “time outs” should be recorded right from the start, which can be used to get some distance from everyday care routine. The more clearly regulated from the start, the more harmonious everyday life will be!

Plan free time

If you are the main person who will take care of the care, then don’t miss out on the time off you deserve and really make time for yourself.

Make sure that you do not spend these time-outs at home, because then your family cannot separate between “service provider mom works” and “service provider mom is free”.

Even if it hurts your heart to leave your loved ones in the care of other people: once a week you yourself need to distance yourself from relatives in need of care so as not to harm yourself!

Organize these free spaces early on. Talks to health insurers, long-term care insurance, relatives, neighbors and friends Everyone can help you so that you don’t break even under your difficult task!

Learn to say no

“Honey, can you please …” or “Mom, do it!” Are sentences that you usually cannot refuse.

The “highest of feelings” is probably a “not now, later” for you. However, this only postpones the problem to a later date. So learn to really say “no”! Take care of yourself and that your own needs are not neglected!

This primarily refers to basic needs, such as good sleep. If caring for your loved ones doesn’t give you enough time to take care of other things, you shouldn’t sacrifice your sleep to do everything yourself.

Put your “no” through and learn to delegate. Most of the time you are only asked for something through the laziness of others, right?